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Wednesday midweek post

Emotions: Tired, detached (unsure what next step should be), satisfied (training Jess, Tony, Jaz)

Lack of sleep catching up to me today, tough day. Feeling like I could do better, could have more potential elsewhere, same old story. I have a lot of energy, basically in the prime of my life and can give 100% to whatever I put my mind to. Experienced a big increase in confidence over past 4 months with job as a Trainer, but still feel I have lots to work on and perfect. At present finding it difficult to give my current job 100%, due to nagging fears and self-doubts. Split into following
  1. Self-doubt: I cant be a great trainer, over-critical of my mistakes, put big pressure on having perfect time-management and productivity, this isn't always practical or realistic
  2. Fears: I'm personally, along with the other trainers am getting ripped off by a much bigger company only concerned with the bottom line. Nagging thought that I'm wasting my energy, and should be enjoying life more. 
  3. Clashes: This job and career path mainly clashes with my passion for ultimate, mainly groot and, the main team I consider myself a part of and continually want to better myself for, and Keas for the 2018 campaign. Thoughts are to go travelling to Canada and London after this campaign, to work as an outdoor instructor. 
Problem: This goes completely against my core values of not making life about the money, but being selfless and seeking adventure.  There is little scope for adventure in this role as it is mostly confined indoors, although training others is more enjoyable than an office job. 

Truth is I can still enjoy life plenty outside this job, and as a plus am learning lots about training, nutrition, goal setting and lifestyle balance. 

Inspiration:
Today read about a very successful guy who used to be CEO of air NZ, newly turned director of Icebreaker. His story is interesting, because as an engineering grad, he didn't necessarily climb the standard route to the top, rather he jumped into roles and challenged himself by surrounding himself with individuals who had more knowledge than himself in a particular field. Moreover, he was an introvert (like me) and a typical hardworking kiwi who showed leadership with integrity, respecting those under him. 

Relative to my journey:
I can learn from Rob by finding new environments to challenge me and people to learn from. 6 months is the mark I set myself for Vision, so far I've learned a lot about myself in last 4 months (more than ever?), and looking forward to the new challenges ahead of me, in the excitingly uncertain future.  

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