Love vs Fear? The Art of Self-Awareness

A familiar feeling of trepidation swept over me. I stepped over the threshold into the cold clinical setting of a Yr two practical examination room. 

"have i missed my exam slot?" , "did they forget to call me in?"

panicking, I fought to retain composure as my clinical supervisor approached me. "Alex, there you are! please come through, the exam is about to start" .

As stood and waited to see which examiner and clinical scenario I would get, past memories flashed through my mind of my first exam sit. 

"What If I fail again?" The same words echoed in my mind hauntingly, inviting the inevitable. 

I was directed towards the furthest booth, with my examiner Richard, head of the musculoskeletal department, who curtly nodded as I nervously greeted him. An exam moderator sat a short distance furiously scribbling on a clipboard. I read the brief and the exam timer rang to signal the start. 

He began "You have a 45 yr old builder with right sided elbow pain, 

show me your assessment procedure" 

A student stepped in to play the part of my patient. 

Shaking with nerves, I began introducing myself and my role as a student physio. I began by taking the wrong hand and starting my assessment.

Richard looked on incredulously "are you sure?" 

I hastily corrected, apologised, cursing myself moving to the injured side of the mock patient. 

"TIMES UP!" the buzzer rang 15 minutes later. I thanked my examiners, and with a resigned look headed for the exit door. 

Emotional intelligence means to be aware of our present emotional state and not to be driven by it. Understanding our underlying emotional drivers will mean we can take more responsibility for out actions, and consciously guide our intention in life (Dr. Hawkins 2013).

The example illustrated above shows how acting in fear shapes our experience and outcomes in any given scenario.

Our environment and circle of influence is a powerful shaper of our beliefs, emotional state and how we move in the world

Emotional intelligence means to be aware of our present emotional state and not to be driven by it. Understanding our underlying emotional drivers will mean we can take more responsibility for out actions, and consciously guide our intention in life (Dr. Hawkins 2013).

The example above illustrates how acting without knowing what drives our action, gives us .

The Power of Choice

Consider this scenario; Man is driving his car at 10km per hour along the heavy-congested state highway one southbound of Auckland city. He is rear-ended by another motorist, and lurches to a halt, being thrown forward in his seat.  There are different actions the man can take, depending on his present emotional state. 

Shame: "How embarrassing! I'm such a lousy driver I had it coming"

Guilt: "I probably deserve this, it must be the universes way of getting back at me"

Fear: "I think this guy must be furious… what if he hits me?"

Reason: "It'll turn out fine, we both have insurance, we can settle it without going to court"

Acceptance: "Well nobody is hurt. What can I expect anyway living in a city like this? I had it coming"

Love: "The poor guy must be upset, I'll try to reassure him. It happens to everyone, we can resolve it today. I may even be able to help him, he could be having a tough time in life right now". 

This example above again illustrates how we can create our own experience based on our underlying emotional drivers and belief systems held within us. It also shows the power of choice exists in every circumstance, as stated by the concentration camp survivor Viktor E. Frankl: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”  

Practical Lifestyle Application

How can you engineer a lifestyle to  get the most out of you relationships, health and experience more happiness?  It's actually no different to learning any trade or profession. 

The first step is awareness. Figure out where your problem is on the emotional scale, is it anger at your neighbor's yapping poodle? Is it fear of your university case study presentation?

Second, now you are self-aware of the problem, you can question, why am I feeling this way? The block could come from a childhood experience. Many people go through life without self-awareness of emotional drivers, instead projecting out onto their immediate environment or people. Until we become conscious of our emotional drivers underlying our actions, how can we be truly intentional about the direction of our lives?

Third step, is to become intentional about your goal. What state of being do I want to achieve? One of compassion, forgiveness of others for minor issues? To be a more loving and caring partner in a relationship? To act out of compassion and love for others, we experience more happiness, energy, better health and we become more significant to those around us. 

The fourth step is to align your lifestyle to match the goal. The association of people who reflect the same goals, and role models who have achieved the state you are aspiring for. Just like the young thief who learns from seasoned criminals, we can take guidance from those who manifest the higher qualities we aspire for.

Later in his life, upon reflection he sees that his environment fostered his culture of crime and so he is regretful. Upon seeing his predicament, he goes to seek out the company which will bring about a positive influence in his life.

Yoga and Self-Awareness

How does yoga come into this? The modern age bhakti yogi is a practical wisdom seeker, with a framework of yoga knowledge to help cultivate this state of self-awareness. A yogi will inquire, what is our true purpose above our lower emotional drivers? Who am I then, if I can be free of identifying with those base habits of survival, self protection and fearfulness? There is a whole new world to be explored once we start cultivation of  knowledge beyond our current limited perceptions.

By living this yoga lifestyle of awareness and knowledge seeking, we can experience a higher level of inner happiness.

How does this work? A fearful man or woman will see danger everywhere, and a teenager who grew up trained to steal will see opportunities everywhere to do so. So similarly a bhakti yoga practitioner will always see opportunities to do good in the world, by a matter of choice.  How he or she does this is through a community of likeminded individuals striving to better themselves and uplift others, with a culture of selfless service to experience a higher degree of happiness. It's an environment where egos are put aside, to make way for stimulating existential discussions, enlivening kirtan mantra music, and great food cooked with love to foster an inner yearning for connection and meaning. 

 Some of the benefits of living such a lifestyle are outlined in the famous yoga text, Bhagavad Gita: 

"Fearlessness, purification of one's existence, cultivation of spiritual knowledge, charity, self-control, study of the Vedas, austerity and simplicity, nonviolence, truthfulness, freedom from anger; renunciation, tranquility, aversion to faultfinding, compassion, forgiveness, freedom from envy" 

Becoming emotionally intelligent starts with becoming conscious of our drivers pushing forward out actions, then making a choice about what emotional state you want to act from. Creating meaningful goals for where we want our relationships, happiness and health will concrete this, and give direction and motivation. The Bhakti yoga lifestyle can help facilitate this process, by offering techniques and knowledge to suit the individual, and his or her journey of self-discovery.